All the notes were taken directly from the source mentioned.
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We’ve worked with many astounding leaders who enter midlife with broken marriages, fractured families, hardened hearts, and dreamless futures.
The not enough resources belief (money, time, energy, space, and love) and the I/we are not enough belief create a zero-sum game, generating winners and losers, haves and have-nots.
When leaders are below the line, they are closed and defensive, and when they are above the line, they are open and curious.
ABOVE THE LINE OPEN, CURIOUS, COMMITTED TO LEARNING
BELOW THE LINE CLOSED, DEFENSIVE, COMMITTED TO BEING RIGHT
We suggest that the first mark of conscious leaders is self-awareness and the ability to tell themselves the truth.
Leaders often have a difficult time telling the difference between a threat to the body’s physical survival and an imagined threat to the ego or identity.
When we perceive a threat to our sense of well-being, we go below the line.
Conscious leaders own their commitments by owning their results.
Content answers the question, What are we talking about? Context answers the question, How are we talking about the content?
From what consciousness are we having this conversation?
In our experience great leaders pay more attention to how conversations are occurring than to what is being talked about.
We often describe unconscious leaders as reactive. They react from a story about the past or an imagined future, and their personality, ego, or mind takes over.
When their anger is out of control, they go on autopilot. They literally can’t see what is happening (blind rage).
Conscious leaders experience what is here now and respond in the moment.
All models are de facto distortions of reality. Just as a restaurant’s menu is not the same as its food but merely a pointer to something much more wonderful, so are models only pointers to something far more complex.
Indeed, moving from To Me to By Me to Through Me and back to To Me can take a matter of hours or minutes.
The To Me state of consciousness is synonymous with being below the line.
We call this To Me mindset victim consciousness.
Something is wrong and someone out there is responsible.
When leaders shift from below the line to above it, they move from the To Me to the By Me state from
From being at the effect of to consciously creating with.
Everything in the world is unfolding perfectly for their learning and development.
The By Me leader asks questions like, What can I learn from this? How is this situation ˜for me’? How am I creating this and keeping this going?
Central to both the To Me and By Me states of leadership is me: I am at the center of the consciousness.
In the Through Me state of leadership, the me starts to open to another. Curiosity begins to guide this leader to a different set of questions, such as, Am I the center of the universe? Is there something going on in addition to me? What is the nature of this other? Is it possible to be in relationship to this other?
Through Me leaders do not try to figure out their answer, which would be By Me consciousness. Instead, they listen attentively to what wants to be communicated to them. They understand that there is another moving in the world that wants to make something happen in and through them.
The letting go of control or more specifically, letting go of wanting to be in control of people, things, and circumstances we were never meant to be in control of and have never really been in control of is powerful and often chaotic.
Once a leader discovers the truth of what is oneness and who they are, their consciousness shifts dramatically.
Just as a thought experiment, imagine for a moment how you would lead and live in a world without separation; no separation between you and your employees or you and your competitors or you and the environment. From our experience, everything looks radically different from this consciousness.
The As Me state is unique because it has no questions. The full realization of As Me is the experience of no more questions, no seeking, no suffering.
COMMITMENT ONE Taking Radical Responsibility
I commit to taking full responsibility for the circumstances of my life and for my physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual well-being.
We believe that heroing is a primary form of unconscious leadership. It is toxic because it leads to burn out, supports others in taking less than their full responsibility (being victims), and rewards behaviors that ultimately lead to individual and team breakdown.
Gain insight by completing these statements,
From the past this reminds me of: I keep this issue going by; What I get from keeping this issue going is; The lifelong pattern I’m noticing is; I can demonstrate 100% responsibility concerning this issue by;
COMMITMENT TWO Learning Through Curiosity
Four competencies trump all others as the greatest predictors of sustained success: self-awareness, learning agility, communication, and influence. The last two deal with how leaders interact with their world, and the first two address leaders’ internal relationship to reality.
Once this comes to their mind, we ask them to observe how attached they are to being right about this rule. How much energy do they have to fight for or defend the fact that 2 + 2 = 4
First, if they are honest with themselves, they see that they aren’t nearly as certain about the rightness of their viewpoint as they act. Second, they realize that wanting to be right, being seen as being right, and being validated and appreciated for being right are what they really want. This attachment is all about the ego.
Actually, the first thing they do is accept themselves for being there. One breath of acceptance for what is true is essential. In fact, awareness and acceptance are the first two steps of all transformation.
The issue for leaders is not will we drift? We will! The issue is how long do we stay in a drift before we shift.
Wonder is a very different experience. It is not about figuring anything out. It begins with a willingness to explore and step into the unknown, which involves taking a risk and letting go of control.
COMMITMENT THREE Feeling All Feelings
I commit to feeling my feelings all the way through to completion. They come, and I locate them in my body then move, breathe, and vocalize them so they release all the way through.
before you can become emotionally intelligent, you must first be emotionally literate.
Emotion is e-motion. Energy in motion. At its simplest level, emotion is energy moving in and on the body.
We suggest that there are five primary emotions anger, fear, sadness, joy, and sexual feelings.
upset, tense, annoyed, dissatisfied, displeased, frustrated, irritated, bothered, and bored
agitated, aggressive, belligerent, disgusted, indignant, irritated, resentful, and revolted;
embittered, enraged, furious, hostile, infuriated, seething, and vengeful.
We find it helpful to label all sensations along the continuum from low to high intensity,
When asked to check in with current feeling states the accurate answer is I feel; followed by one or more of the five core emotions. If the words I feel are followed by that or like, you are expressing a thought, not describing a feeling.
We like to tell people to imagine that their body is made up of billions of bits. Ask yourself this useful question, What are the bits doing? Words like twisting, popping, tightening, spinning, and flowing are good descriptions.
ALLOW, ACCEPT, OR APPRECIATE THE SENSATION.
The expression that we promote involves moving, breathing, and vocalizing to match the sensation occurring in or on your body.
This emotion tells a leader that a boundary needs to be set or an existing one is being violated.
Sadness tells a leader that something needs to be let go of, said goodbye to, moved on from.
Fear tells a leader that something important needs to be known.
Anger tells a leader that something is not, or is no longer, of service.
Joy tells a leader that something needs to be celebrated, appreciated, or laughed at, or someone needs to be patted on the back.
COMMITMENT FOUR Speaking Candidly
I commit to saying what is true for me. I commit to being a person to whom others can express themselves with candor.
Withholding is refraining from revealing everything to all the relevant parties.
The key is that we reveal our judgments so that we can make ourselves known. We don’t reveal our judgments to be RIGHT or to change the other person.
In relationships we control how much we reveal to the other person about ourselves and we control our level of acceptance when others reveal themselves to us. These are two powerful aspects of any relationship which are totally under our control.
When we own our projections we see that our judgment about our boss that he was disrespectful is an insight we can own about ourselves.
Once we notice this we ask the following kinds of wonder questions from curiosity: How am I being disrespectful in my life? How am I being disrespectful toward my boss? How am I being disrespectful toward myself? How is it as true or truer that my boss is being respectful of me? How am I requiring people, including my boss, to be disrespectful toward me? How do I create this and how do I keep it going? How am I not seeing the value of interrupting? I’ve made interrupting a bad thing and am I open to seeing how interrupting could be a good thing? Am I willing to see how interrupting could actually be a sign of respect instead of a sign of disrespect?
If we all speak candidly and don’t withhold facts, thoughts, feelings, or sensations, it greatly increases the probability that collectively we can see reality more accurately.
Openness addresses the question of how much we reveal, whereas truthfulness addresses the accuracy of our reveal.
How self-aware am I? It’s possible to be truthful and open but not fully aware. Again, if your boss asks you what time you arrived at work and you say 9:15 because that’s what your watch says, you are being truthful and open. You are reporting reality as you see it and not concealing relevant information. If, though, your watch battery died and your watch stopped at 9:15 and you really arrive at 9:40 but didn’t know it, you are being truthful and open but not aware.
We accomplish this by listing our beliefs and complaints about others and then asking ourselves, How is this true about me? How am I not facing this in myself?
As we grow in candor mastery, we become more honest, more open, and more aware.
Three types of reveals are unarguable: a thought, a feeling, or a sensation. By unarguable, we simply mean that people can’t argue with it.
You are merely reporting the fact that you had a thought.
Great leaders and teams become experts at revealing their unarguable experience (I’m having a thought;) without forming any attachment to being right about it.
To speak with candor is to reveal what is unarguable with truthfulness, openness, and awareness.
At any particular time, leaders are operating from either fear or love. This is simple yet profoundly true. Underneath all withholds is fear. We choose to withhold because we’re afraid of losing approval, control, or security.
Most people listen while using filters. A filter is an internal lens that influences what we hear and how we respond. It translates a statement and gives it additional meaning, usually changing the way that the person responds.
DIAGNOSE: The problem with your director of sales is; CORRECT: This isn’t really a communication issue, this is an attitude problem. AVOID CONFLICT: I’m sure that they don’t mean to be upsetting you; I’m confident you can work it out. DEFEND: Are you suggesting that I should have done something different with your director of sales!? PERSONALIZE OR HEAR HOW WHAT THE OTHER IS SAYING RELATES TO YOU: I’m having a hard time with one of my top sales people. I wonder if it’s something about those kinds of people?
You have to be able to notice what is occurring in you, simply allow it to be there, and then shift your attention ease fully back to the other.
We find that if you want to support candor, you also listen to what the person is feeling as they speak.
The final aspect of listening is finding the core desire behind the content. What does the speaker most long for, want, or need?
First you want to listen to the head center. What are the words, thoughts and beliefs you hear the other saying?
Do your best to repeat back exactly what you heard them say and be sure to get confirmation that you accurately heard them without leaving anything out or adding your own content.
Secondly, you listen to their heart center. What emotions are being expressed either directly or indirectly as they speak?
Finally, listen to their gut or instinctive center.
One of the great gifts we can give one another is the reflection of awareness of what the other most wants.
COMMITMENT FIVE Eliminating Gossip
SEPARATING FACT FROM STORY
COMMITMENT SIX Practicing Integrity
I commit to the masterful practice of integrity, including acknowledging all authentic feelings, expressing the unarguable truth, keeping my agreements, and taking 100% responsibility.
Integrity means wholeness.
Wholeness is congruence, which relates to matching what is on the inside to what is on the outside.
Alignment is about purpose and directionality.
Integrity is knowing what we’re up to in the world and being in complete devotion to it.
Gay and Kathlyn Hendricks: Take 100% responsibility Speak authentically Feel feelings through to completion Keep agreements
An agreement is anything you have said you will do or anything you have said you won’t do.
Breaking agreements with yourself undermines integrity just as much as breaking an agreement with another. Both break the flow of energy.
To be impeccable concerning agreements, we need to master four practices: Making clear agreements Keeping agreements Renegotiating agreements Cleaning up broken agreements
Making clear agreements first requires being very precise about who will do what by when.
The second part to making a clear agreement is ensuring that everyone involved is fully committed to making it.
Whole body YES.
Many people are not impeccable about agreements because they begin by making agreements they never plan to keep.
Conscious leaders who are impeccable about their agreements keep about 90% of all the ones they make.
In our experience, people who are impeccable with their agreements renegotiate less than 10% of them. This renegotiation level is so low because they faithfully follow the first practice: Make clear agreements.
When cleaning up a broken agreement, first keep your statements short and simple: either I didn’t do it. I take 100% responsibility for not doing it.
HERE ARE THE DETAILS:
EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE UNFELTS Have I felt all my feelings around; My childhood My parents Any relationships that have ended My siblings My children My career My spouse My body My money My sexual orientation/desires How I use substances (drugs, food, alcohol) Death: mine and others CONSCIOUS COMMUNICATION UNSAIDS Is there anything I have been withholding from; My spouse My children My extended family, parents, siblings. My friends: current and past My colleagues: current and past Myself Anyone else who comes to mind more than three times Is there anything I have been withholding about; Emotions: anger, fear, sadness, joy, sexual feelings Agreements Judgments Desires, wants, requests Money Stealing Approval Comparison Lying Appreciation Sex Consumption: food, alcohol, drugs IMPECCABLE AGREEMENTS UNKEPTS Have I kept all my agreements with; My spouse My children My extended family, parents, siblings,. My friends: current and past My colleagues, current and past Myself Anyone else who comes to mind more than three times Have I kept all my agreements about; Sex Money Time Things HEALTHY RESPONSIBILITY UNOWNEDS Am I blaming; My spouse My children My extended family, parents, siblings. My friends: current and past My colleague: current and past Myself Anyone else who comes to mind more than three times Am I in victim or blame; My past My present circumstances My lack My emotional states (anger, sadness, fear, joy, sexual feelings) My spiritual states My physical condition
COMMITMENT SEVEN Generating Appreciation I commit to living in appreciation, fully opening to both receiving and giving appreciation.
Our preference turns into an expectation not something we’d like to happen, but something that we believe should happen, and in a certain way.
SENSITIVE AWARENESS. The first step of appreciation is awareness: simply paying attention.
It involves the capacity to make fine distinctions.
The capacity for specificity becomes part of the delight.
To us this simply means they have stopped paying attention with fresh eyes.
When something appreciates, it grows in value.
A few favorite scenarios: The Inner Critic Interception.
What he’s saying isn’t really true. He wouldn’t be saying that if he really knew me.
It wasn’t really me. It was Paul over thereor
Well, this was okay, but it wasn’t perfect. Next time, I’ll do it better.
That was nothing. I hardly did a thing, or That’s not anything special. Everyone is like that.
The Reciprocation Race.
Oh, you’re the nicest person for saying that. And I appreciate you even more than you appreciate me.
Think of appreciation as a valuable gift,
What you place your attention on grows.
A ratio of approximately five appreciations for every one criticism comment is the optimal ratio for strong relationships.
A masterful appreciation must include these four elements:
Sincerity. Appreciation must be real and true.
Unarguable truth. Appreciation is most effective when it is unarguable
In the context of appreciation, this is the difference between That was a great report! (arguable) and I appreciate you for the detailed appendices in this report; I noticed how at ease I felt having all the information at my fingertips (unarguable).
Specificity. Sometimes appreciation is expressed in vague terms, leaving the recipient guessing at its true meaning.
Succinct language. A masterful appreciation can be completed in a single out breath,
Every day commit to finding three people to appreciate.
COMMITMENT EIGHT Excelling in your Zone of Genius
If it’s a dead-end path if you both dislike like the activity and do it poorly dump it (stop doing it), delegate it, or do it differently see
The Upper Limits Problem.
We have a limit for different areas of our lives: how much money we’re allowed to make, how much love or closeness we can feel, how much joy we can experience, how much fun we’re allowed to have.
What am I doing or talking about when you experience me MOST energized and happy? When you experience me at my best, the exact thing I am doing is__________________. (Fill in the blank) What do you see as a special skill I am gifted with? What are your three favorite qualities you see in me? (Do your best to use one word per quality) Optional questions to send to participants: What reliably shows up in the room when I do? How have I most contributed to your life? What would you miss most about my presence if I passed on?
Once you know what your zone of genius is, you can start to shift your calendar to allow more and more time there. Step 1: Look back over your calendar from the last two weeks and make a list of 25 activities you performed in the course of doing your job. Be very specific, e.g. weekly staff meeting, emailed boss updating him on latest client meeting, filled out expense report, client meeting with ABC Products, read report on performance evaluation, had lunch with administrative assistant, etc. Put an arrow next to each activity , If your energy went up when you did the activity put the arrow pointing up , If your energy was flat when you did the activity make the arrow go horizontal. , If your energy went down when you did the activity put the arrow pointing down. Step 2: Look at the amount of time you spent doing each activity and assign a rough percentage to the amount of time you spent with energy increasing activities, activities that left your energy flat, and activities that decreased your energy. Would you be willing to have a 10%-20% increase in energy?
Step 3: What could you do with activities that drain your energy (arrow points down) so that you could have more time for activities that increase your energy? Delegate it Dump it Do it differently. Do it in a way that doesn’t de-energize you. Step 4: If you want to spend more time in your zone of genius, put one of these actions next to each down arrow. What is your first action step and by when will you do it?
COMMITMENT NINE Living a Life of Play and Rest
I commit to creating a life of play, improvisation, and laughter. I commit to seeing all of life unfold easefully, and effortlessly. I commit to maximizing my energy by honoring rest, renewal, and rhythm.
In his book, Play, Stuart Brown defines play as an absorbing, apparently purposeless activity that provides enjoyment and suspends self-consciousness and a sense of time. It is also self-motivating and makes you want to do it again.
Children and animals love to play and they don’t take it seriously. By seriously we mean that they don’t make play mean more than it means.
Hard work, effort and struggle come when: (1) I make meaning out of life and work that causes stress and worry; and (2) I resist and force life rather than cooperate and improvise.
Conscious leaders do the same. They take whatever life gives them and they improvisationally co-create with others in a spirit of playful pleasure.
Laughter is a key indicator of how much play is going on in a leader and an organization.
William Duggan’s research in Strategic Intuition: The Creative Spark in Human Achievement asserts that when you completely let go, of even trying to solve the problem, the brain recategorizes and re-sorts all apparently unrelated information into new innovative solutions.
David Rock shared the findings from his fascinating book Your Brain at Work. He discussed the latest science behind how the brain works and how to maximize productivity and effectiveness in the workplace based on this research.
Brain’s ability to do great work by prioritizing, eliminating multitasking, checking email later in the morning, taking naps, going for walks, doing creative play projects, and feeling authentic feelings.
We agree with Tony Schwartz and Jim Loehr in their book The Power of Full Engagement when they assert that energy management is key to long term effectiveness.
This work addiction can manifest in many ways, including working excessive hours, destroying any kind of balance and impacting many personal relationships. It can also look like habitually checking our mobile devices, email or texts (sometimes at three in the morning, always first thing in the morning and regularly while we are with loved ones like our children) or compulsive thinking about work that never stops.
COMMITMENT TEN Exploring the Opposite
I commit to seeing that the opposite of my story is as true as or truer than my original story. I recognize that I interpret the world around me and give my stories meaning.
When you look underneath, can you see your desire to be right about that issue?
This tool invites us to ask four questions about a stressful thought. The purpose is to help us find our own truth. Is it true? Can you absolutely know that it’s true? How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought? Who would you be without the thought?
COMMITMENT ELEVEN Sourcing Approval, Control and Security
I commit to being the source of my approval, control and security.
At its root, wanting security is wanting to survive.
Approval is the desire to be loved, liked, wanted, valued, appreciated, respected, to belong, and to be part of something.
Conscious leaders regularly ask themselves, What is the core want driving this (surface) desire?
We highly recommend for leaders who desire to wake up out of this common trance is to identify how out-there-ness and if-only-ness are showing up in their life.
If only ___________________ would _________________ I would have approval/control/security.
Hale Dwoskin. Hale is the teacher of the Sedona Method, a very simple technique for dealing with wanting and the suffering and seeking that comes from a belief in lack.
One of our favorite quotes from Hale is, You cannot go anywhere to get what you already have and you cannot do anything to become what you already are.
At any moment (especially when you are upset and stressed) ask yourself What do I want? Don’t try to edit your answer or be mature about it. Just blurt. Ask yourself, Could I welcome this wanting? Could I simply allow this wanting to be here just as it is?
Ask yourself, Could I welcome this wanting? Could I just allow it to be here? Ask yourself, Could I let this wanting go, just for now, just in this moment as best I could?
What if everything in this moment in your life is actually whole, perfect and complete? What if you are lacking nothing?
COMMITMENT TWELVE Having Enough of Everything
I commit to experiencing that I have enough of everything; including time, money, love, energy, space, resources, etc.
This mantra of not enough carries the day and becomes a kind of default setting for our thinking about everything; [and] grows into the great justification for an unfulfilled life. It becomes the reason we can’t have what we want or be who we want to be. It becomes the reason we can’t accomplish the goals we set for ourselves, the reason our dreams can’t come true, or the reason other people disappoint us, the reason we compromise our integrity, give up on ourselves or write off others.
Scarcity requires a comparison of some sort.
We have found that whenever people experience life from the perspective of not enough, what immediately follows is competition.
Whom do you compare yourself against? Your neighbors? Your college friends? Others in your company? People in the news? On TV? How do you judge yourself when you make these comparisons? Do you see yourself as better than or less than? As having more or fewer resources? What beliefs and experiences come up for you?
From the scarcity mindset held by these professionals, each person needed to fight to get what he needed, and once he had it, he needed to protect it from others.
Lynne Twist reminds us, though, that sufficiency isn’t an amount. It’s not comparative at all. Instead, sufficiency is an experience, a context we generate, a declaration, a knowing that there is enough and we are enough.
COMMITMENT THIRTEEN Experiencing the World as an Ally
I commit to seeing all people and circumstances as allies that are perfectly suited to help me learn the most important things for my growth.
Everyone is an ally in the bigger game of learning.
Consider that all people support the discovery of an aspect of yourself that you could not have seen without them.
Every circumstance helps you uncover something new about your beliefs, behaviors, or desires. Every person or situation is for you in serving your learning and growth, nudging you to become more conscious.
Someone’s declaration that he or she is an ally is not what makes them an ally. It’s neither their behavior nor their words; it is your choice of how you want to see them.
If the universe were using this person or situation as a perfect ally to help you grow, what would you get to learn about yourself and life?
Would I be willing to see this person and these circumstances as an ally for my learning? Your willingness is essential for any shifts to occur.
What is it that I could not have experienced without this person/circumstance? What part of this am I most resistant to? Can I see that this is true about me? And am I willing to welcome/love that part in myself? What is my biggest judgment about the way it is? Am I willing to see that the opposite of my judgment is as true or truer? How is this person or circumstance helping me face something that I have been unwilling to acknowledge or face? What quality could not have been developed in me without this person/circumstance? How is the universe using this person or situation to give me feedback? How is this in service to my growth? What part of me is this bringing forward to welcome, honor, accept, or love? In twenty years (or two), what will I say I learned from that? In twenty years (or two), what about this will I be grateful for? Here are some possible reasons you attracted this person or circumstance into your life: You have judgments you want to release. This is a pattern you want to break. The universe is inviting you to pay attention to the wisdom in your body. You want to expand the possibility of who you can be and need the pressure of this situation or person. You want to discover where you are resisting in your life (physically, emotionally). You are learning to see your resistance and honor your no. You have unexpressed emotions that you want to acknowledge or feel. There is something you’ve been unwilling to face.
What is it that I could not have experienced without this person/circumstance? What part of this am I most resistant to? Can I see that this is true about me? And am I willing to welcome/love that part in myself? What is my biggest judgment about the way it is? Am I willing to see that the opposite of my judgment is as true or truer? How is this person or circumstance helping me face something that I have been unwilling to acknowledge or face? What quality could not have been developed in me without this person/circumstance? How is the universe using this person or situation to give me feedback? How is this in service to my growth? What part of me is this bringing forward to welcome, honor, accept, or love? In twenty years (or two), what will I say I learned from that? In twenty years (or two), what about this will I be grateful for?
COMMITMENT FOURTEEN Creating Win for all Solutions
COMMITMENT FIFTEEN Being the Resolution
I commit to being the resolution or solution that is needed: seeing what is missing in the world as an invitation to become that which is required.
Apathy, indifference, resentment, and blame
There is simply more that could be; there is more possibility, more magnificence, or contribution, or harmony, or alignment, or love.
An invitation comes with no obligations. You are free to accept or decline it. From this place of freedom, conscious leaders check to see if they have a whole body YES to the invitation.
Notice that we are talking about being and becoming, not doing. That doesn’t mean there won’t be doing. There often will be. But conscious leaders initially focus on who they are being and becoming.
It specifically states being the resolution and becoming that which is required.
Change is about letting go of the known and stepping into the unknown. It is about releasing control and appears to always involve the possibility of failure.
If I changed, what am I afraid would happen? Or put another way, What’s at risk if I stop being the way I’ve been or doing what I’ve been doing?
How big is your vision? How motivational is your dream? What is it that you want, really want, that you can’t attain by playing the same game? What is your picture of a future that is so compelling it motivates you to overcome your resistance to change, to let go of control and step into the unknown?
I’d like to change, but I don’t know how. We almost never trust this statement. Our experience is that where there is real willingness the how makes itself known.
One of a coach’s core commitments is to lovingly hold pressure to help others confront their resistance.
Our mentor and friend Hale Dwoskin says, Trying is wanting credit for something you never intend to do.
We call it being in limbo: thinking we are willing yet not facing that we are really more committed to staying where we are than to shifting.
To begin, can you simply acknowledge that you are where you are? Acknowledgment is naming what is here
Now take the second step and see if you’re willing to allow yourself to be just where you are. Third, can you accept yourself for being just the way you are?
Can you appreciate yourself for being just where you are?
Imagine someone coming to your home. Acknowledgement is recognition that someone is standing at the door. Allowing is opening the door and letting them come in. It doesn’t mean that I’m happy they are there; there is still resistance. Acceptance is relaxing into the reality that they are there; we both relax and kick our feet up. Appreciation is delighting in the reality they are there.
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