All the notes were taken directly from the source mentioned.

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Change of Paradigm

The change comes always inside-out. Focusing first in character and not in competence.

Becoming Principles-Oriented

“The map is not the territory” It is only explanations of certain aspects of the territory.

Paradigm shift is a term introduced in The Structure of Scientific Revolutions by Thomas Kuhn

“How can we remember our ignorance, which our growth requires, when we are using our knowledge all the time?” Henry David Thoreau

“We shall not cease from exploration And the end of all our exploring Will be to arrive where we started And know the place for the first time.” –from Little Gidding by T.S. Eliot

Knowledge, is the theory, the what to do. Skill is the how to do it. Desire is the why to do it. Unless you create the desire, nothing will change.

Maturity Continuum:

Dependence (“You take care of me”), to

Independence (“I take care of myself”), and finally to

Interdependence (“we can cooperate, we can do it, we work together towards something greater”)

Interdependance is a choice only independent people can do

Habits 1, 2, 3 are private victories

Habits 4, 5, 6 are public victories

Habit 7 is about renewal, a regular re-balance

P/PC ratio (analogy from Aesop’s fable of the goose and the golden eggs)

P = Production of desired results (golden eggs)

PC= Production capability (goose)

“I know of no more encouraging fact than the unquestionable ability of man to elevate his life by conscious endeavor.” ― Henry David Thoreau

Private Victories

Habit 1: Be Proactive

Be a light, not a judge, Be a model not a critic. Be part of the solution, not part of the problem.

“The fountain of content must spring up in the mind, and he who hath so little knowledge of human nature as to seek happiness by changing anything but his own disposition, will waste his life in fruitless efforts and multiply the grief he proposes to remove.” ― Samuel Johnson

“Don’t tell me what you think, tell them what you do” Nassim Nicholas Taleb

Responsible – “response-able”

Application Suggestions

1. For a full day, listen to your language. How often do you use and hear reactive phrases such as “if only” “I can’t” “I have to”

2. Distinguish and analyze on how could you have responded and not reacted in a situation in the past. Remind yourself of the gap between stimulus and response.

3. Determine if your current problems and difficulties are within your control or not. Determine a first to solve it, otherwise focus is changing your attitude about it.

4. For 30 days focus on the circle of influence. Make small commitments and keep them.

Habit 2: Start with the End in Mind

If habit one says “You are the programmer”, habit two says “Write the program”

“Management is doing things right; leadership is doing the right things.” — Peter Drucker

The leader is the one who climbs the tallest tree, surveys the entire situation, and yells, ‘Wrong jungle!’ … Busy, efficient producers and managers often respond … ‘Shut up! We’re making progress!’

Efficient management without effective leadership is like straightening deck chairs on the Titanic.

Personal mission statement focuses on character (what you want to be) and the contribution you want to make. It is a personal constitution where the rules of the game are determined.

A good affirmation has five basic ingredients” It’s personal, positive, present tense, visual and emotional. Through visualization, you will wire a script you have written from your own self-selected value system.

Imagine being in your funeral, think what you would like the people who assisted said about your character, your contributions and achievements. (Family, friends/Co-workers, larger community).

Habit 3: Put First Things First

What one thing could you do that if you did on a regular basis, would make a tremendous positive difference in your personal life?

Habit one says “You are the creator. Thats an unhealthy program I’ve been given from my childhood from my social mirror. I don’t like the current script, I can change”. Habit two is the ability envision, to see the potential, to create with our minds what we cannot at present se with or eyes. Habit three is the implementation of one and two. It says “Run the program”, “Live the program”

Coherence: Coherence suggests that there is harmony, unity and integrity between your vision and mission, your roles and goals, your priorities and plans and your desires and discipline.

Public Victories 

Emotional bank deposits:

– Understanding the individual (what might be a deposit for you, might not be perceived as such for others)

– Attending to the Little Things

– Keeping Commitments

– Clarifying Expectations

– Showing Personal Integrity (conforming reality to our words)

– Apologizing sincerely when you make a withdrawal

Habit 4: Think Win/Win

Is a beliefe in the Third Alternative. It’s not your way or my way, it’s a better way, a higher way.

It’s either a win/win or no deal. No deal means we agree to disagree.

Maturity is the balance between courage an consideration. Hand Saxenian considered emotional maturity as ”the ability to express ones own feelings and convictions balanced with consideration for the thoughts and feelings of others.”

5 Elements of Win/Win agreements

1. Desired results (what and when)

2. Guidelines (parameters, rules)

3. Resources

4. Accountability

5. Consequences (what will happen as a result of the evaluation)

Win/Win Solutions require:

1. See the problem from the other point of view. Seek to understand and to give expression to the needs and concerns of the other party as well or better than they can themselves.

2. Identify the key issues and concerns involved.

3. Determine what results would constitute a fully acceptable solution.

4. Identify possible new options to achieve those results.

Habit 5: Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood

Listening Spectrum:

Ignoring -> Pretending -> Selective Listening (only to what’s in our interest) -> Attentive Listening (full energy to the words) -> Empathetic Listening (hearing the body language, tone)

When you listen autobiographically…. You evaluate (agreeing or disagreeing), probe (ask questions from your frame of reference), advice (give counsel based on your experience), interpret (figure people out motives, behaviors in reference toyer own).

Empathetic listening is not that you agree with someone, it’s that you fully, deeply, understand that person, emotionally as well as intellectually. This level requires showing such acceptance and understanding that other people feel safe to open up layer after layer until they get to that soft inner core where the problem really lies.

Ethos, Pathos, Logos

Ethos: personal credibility, faith people have in your integrity and competency.

Pathos: alignment with the emotional thrust of another person

Logos: logic and reasoning

Habit 6: Synergize

Synergy means that the whole is greater tan the sum of its parts. Creative alternative.

People see the world, not as it is, but as they are. Valuing the differences between people is the essence of synergy (mental, emotional, psychological)

Habit 6: Sharpen the Saw

The habit of renewal

A woodcutter strained to saw down a tree.  A young man who was watching asked “What are you doing?”

“Are you blind?” the woodcutter replied. “I’m cutting down this tree.” The young man was unabashed. “You look exhausted! Take a break. Sharpen your saw.” The woodcutter explained to the young man that he had been sawing for hours and did not have time to take a break. The young man pushed back… “If you sharpen the saw, you would cut down the tree much faster.”The woodcutter said “I don’t have time to sharpen the saw. Don’t you see I’m too busy?”

We can choose to reflect back to others a clear, undistorted vision of themselves. Show them their unseen potential. Refuse to label them. Help them become independent, fulfilled people capable of deeply satisfying, enriching and productive relationships with others.

“That which we persist in doing becomes easier – not that the nature of the task has changed, but our ability to do has increased.” — Waldo Emerson

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