All the notes were taken directly from the source mentioned!
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Fundamental Techniques in Handling People: 3 Principles
P1 “Don’t criticize”
Humans are emotional beings, full of prejudice and motivated by pride vanity
Speak no ill, only the good
Do a honest effort to understand forgive
P2 “Share honest appreciation and encouragement for others”
Develop the best person you can from someone else
Figure out the other’s person good point’s
P3 “Influence by talking about their wants”
Show them how to get it
Arouse in the other person an eager want
Ways to Make People Like You: 6 Principles
P1 “Get interested in the other person’s life”
Actions speak louder than words
People rarely succeed unless they are having fun
There is nothing good or bad just perspective
P3 “REMEMBER PEOPLE’S NAME”
Make the time and te effort necessary to concentrate and repeat and fix names indelibly in the mind. No excuses
P4: “Be the last person in the room to talk, be a good listener and encourage others to talk about themselves”
To be interesting, be interested! Ask questions that the other person will enjoy answering.
People will always be more interested in their wants and problems
P5: “Talk in terms of the other’s person interest”
Get to know the subject in which your guest is particularly interest.
P6: “Make the other people feel important”
Radiate happiness, and pass honest appreciation without trying to get anything in return. Priceless feeling
How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking
P1: “The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it”
There is no need to get the feeling of importance and display a supposed superiority by making someone else feeling inferior or hurting their pride.
They will eventually resent your triumph. You will never get your opponent’s good will.
9/10 an arguments ends with each person more firmly convinced than ever that he is absolutely right.
As hatred is not ended with hatred but with love, an argument only can be solve by tact, diplomacy, conciliation, and a sympathetic desire tot see the other’s person viewpoint.
- Be grateful for discovering new points of view you haven’t thought about. It becomes the opportunity to be corrected
- Distrust your first instinctive impression. Don’t be defensive and keep calm
- Control your temper.
- Understand before trying to being understood. Listen and make questions
- Win win theory
- Look for areas of agreement!
- Be honest, admit errors and apologize
- Promise to think about your opponent’s ideas and study them carefully
- Thank your opponent for their interest.
- Turn opponents into friends by thinking they might want to help you. Postpone action, always… to give time for both sides to think the problem. To prepare, wonder if your opponent can potentially be right even if is partially. Wonder if your reaction… is going to bring your opponent closer or further away and if it will elevate the estimation good people have of you? What’s better to win or to feel better? If I don’t do nothing, is the disagreement going to blow over? Can I see the learning from the conflict?
P2: “Show respect for the other person’s opinion. Never say you’re wrong”
In average we might be 50% of the times right, so don’t assume you are always right.
Again, by hurting some else feelings, you won’t alter their opinions.
No need of doing a look, intonation or gesture to show that other one is wrong. Why making it harder? Don’t handicap yourself
If you are going to prove anything, don’t let anyone know!
Start by: Well, now look. I thought otherwise but I may be wrong. I frequently am. And if I am wrong, I want to put right. Let’s examine the facts
You will never get into trouble by admitting that you might be wrong.
Judge other people by their own principles, not by your own.
P3: “if you are wrong accept it quickly and emphatically”
Is better to hear the self-criticism rather than hearing the condemnation from someone else
Any fool can try to defend or justify their mistakes. By fighting you won’t get what you expected, but by yielding you will get more than you expected.
P4 “Begin in a friendly way”
A drop of honey catches more flies than a gallon of gall
First convince the other person that you are his sincere friend, that’s the drop of honey that show that your will, is the great high road to his reason
Appreciation can change people’s mind faster than all the bluster and storming in the world.
P5 “Get the other person to say ‘yes, yes’ immediately
Don’t begin by discussing things on which you differ but rather the things you agree with
Keep emphasizing that you both strive for the same end and that you differ in the method and not the purpose
This sets the psychological process of the listener to move in the affirmative direction.
By having the other person saying no, the entire organism glandular nervous and muscular gather itself together into a condition of rejection by setting itself on guard against acceptance.
A yes response, opens the attitude and acceptance of the other person
Like Socrates, ask questions until you make your opponents found themselves embracing the conclusion they were denying without realizing it
P6 “Let the other person make a great deal of the talking”
Listen patiently and with an open mind. Be sincere, and encourage them to express their ideas fully
Remember they know more about their business and their problems than you.
Ask people to share their joys and only mention your achievements when they ask.
P7 “Let the other person think the idea is his or hers”
Don’t you have more faith in ideas that you discover for yourself than the ones that are handed it to you?
Make suggestions and let the other person think out the conclusions!
No one wants to feel they are being sold something, or told to do a thing
Lao tse, a Chinese sage, said be the river and keep yourself below the mountains, then you can reign from below…. Be behind all men, then they won’t feel your weight
P8 “Try honestly to see the things from the other person’s point of view”
Only wise, tolerant and exceptional people try to understand other’s in their ignorance, don’t condemn….
There is a reason why the other man thinks and acts as he does.
Try honestly to put yourself in his place. How would you feel or react in his shoes?
It’s all about the sympathetic grasp of the other’s person viewpoint. Make the other one feel his ideas and feelings are as important as yours
Start the conversation by saying what know he would like to hear, that will encourage the other person to have an open mind to your ideas
P9 “Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires”
Try: [I don’t blame you for how you feel, I would be feeling in the same way]
3/4 of all the people you meet are thirsting for sympathy. Give it to them and they will love you
P10 “Appeal to their noble motives”
Believe not necessarily their real reason but rather the reason that sounds good to them
When no information can be secure about the customer, the only sound basis on which to proceed is to assume that he or she is sincere, honest, truthful and willing and anxious to pay the charges, once convinced they are correct. Consider people honest, upright ad fair.
P11 “Dramatize your Ideas”
It conveys the facts more vividly, more interestingly and more impressively
P12 “Throw down a Challenge”
Stimulate competition for the sake of the desire to excel.
Make people love the game, the process, the chance of self-expression and chance to prove his worth.
Be a Leader
How to change people without giving offense or arousing resentment:
P1 “Begin With Praise and honest appreciation”
Make people know that you have confidence on them.
The patience still get’s the drilling but novocain is the pain-killer
P2 “Call attention to people mistakes indirectly”
Don’t use the word BUT, use rather AND
P3 “Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person”
Convince that someone has change the behavior
P4 “Ask Questions instead of giving direct orders”
People are more likely to accept an order if they have part in the decision that caused the order to be issued
P5 “Let the other person save Face”
Don’t diminish a man in his own eyes, what does he thinks of himself? How can you understand his attitude based on his principles?
Don’t ignore the feelings of the other one, no need getting things done in our own way, finding fault, issuing treats or criticizing.
Don’t make the people feel disappointed and “let down” by you. Don’t destroy their dignity.
P6 “Praise the slightest improvements and praise every improvement”
That’s the key to inspire the other person to keep improving
People crave for appreciation and recognition
It needs to come from the heart, if it’s not sincere it won’t work
Changing people is about showing them the hidden treasures they possess, show them that we all are half awake
P7 “Give a fine reputation to live up to”
Have a heart to heart talk to understand what’s happening
If you want to improve a person in a certain aspect, act as though that particular trait was already on his outstanding characteristics.
State openly that the person has the virtue you want them to develop
P8 “Use encouragement make the fault seem easy to correct”
Don’t discourage by emphasizing a mistake, praise whatever is right
Tell your child, spouse, student, employ that he is stupid or dumb at something, has no gift for it and everything is wrong and you will destroy any incentives to try to improve
Let the other person know you have faith in their ability, that is still undeveloped…
P9 “Make the other person happy to do the thing you suggested”
- Be sincere. Do not promise anything that you cannot deliver. Forget about the benefits to yourself and concentrate on the benefit to the other person.
- Know exactly what is it you want the other to do
- De empathetic. Ask yourself what is it the other person really want.
- Consider the benefit that person will receive from doing what you suggest.
- Match those benefits to the other person’s wants.
- When you make your request, put it in a form that will convey to the other person the idea that he personally will benefit.
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